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Thursday, January 12, 2017

The Post In Which I Have a Little Pity Party...

...and feel a bit guilty about it.

My life isn't easy.  We live away from family.  We have kids with complex medical and emotional issues...and once one thing seems to be resolved, another thing surfaces.  We feel like we are barely holding our heads above water.  The husband has a great job with great pay and benefits (that we've worked hard for!) that allows me to be home with our kids...but it comes with stress and uncertainty and pressures and the unknown.  It's not his forever job and he knows moving on to grow in his career is inevitable but it so hard to trust the story God has written for us and know when to act.

I know people look at us and see a life that is "together" - organized, successful, smooth.  I appear to be a mom who can do it all and seem calm about it.  I have a loving husband, kids who are kind and respectful (in public, anyway!), a home with nice things...picture perfect.  But I feel like I present such a pretty picture that most people miss the things we struggle with.  Our kids are sick with unusual illnesses - none truly life-threatening overall but scary at times.  But we do what we do because we have to.

I wish someone would could see what we struggle with and offer to reach out and step in.  I'd love to hear "You have too much on your plate, let me {insert a helpful gift}.  This summer, after one of Bruiser's hospitalizations, a friend texted and said she was coming to take the girls for the afternoon.  She didn't ask...she told me.  It was amazing.  It was needed.  It was perfect.  And it was rare.

I belong to a supportive moms' group...supportive to most.  I often hear it said to other moms "You have ___ kids, let me take this over for you." or "You have too much going on right now, let me do that."  I can honestly say in a year and half - though deaths, grief, illnesses - I've had none of that.  I know I tend to downplay things, to sit in the shadows, to smile through the challenges...but it weighing heavily on me lately.

All this said and the guilt hits me.  I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself and be critical of others for needing support.  I know God has created me to shoulder it all and be strong...and I truly am proud of it.

And there is my pity party...and now I'll move on...carry on as I usually do.  I'll complain to the Husband a bit, justify why I shouldn't complain, and then do what needs to be done.  Thanks for letting me air my heart of hearts :)

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